Personality Lecture #10

Discussion for Personality and Its Transformations - Lecture #10

study group discussion

Discussion as part of our Study Group.

my notes

  • 16:00 - << seems if we take a scientific perspective to psychological help, then we would just drug on everyone and operate on them - it eliminates the mythical/subjective side, about stories and meanings - someone who has integrated their experiences would be better off than someone who is drugged… aldous huxley - brave new world’s “soma” - buddhism imho seems to go the route of soma, but does it through the mind - accepting problems, instead of fixing them >>

  • 20:00 - exercise is the best thing to keep declining IQs intact

  • 22:00 - integrated emotions is when your actions and your emotions are heading in the same direction - people who have problems are afraid of the problems, and that is an antagonistic force keeping a part of them in a different direction that the rest - you should ask them “what would your life be like if you didn’t have this problem?” if you think it through, 3-5 years of consequences, then you will be less afraid of facing it - that way, instead of your anxiety being a dragon in front of you, it is a dragon behind you chasing you down the path of resolution

  • 23:00 - really, the number one reason people come to psychotherapy is because they are too agreeable << this correlates with my thoughts, that the self-development/personal-development/therapy/counselling scene has been invaded with help for agreeable types, by mostly agreeable types - with little advice for disagreeable/masculine people - and they don’t realise this is even occurring or an issue - despite male mental high snowballing >> when you are doing assertiveness training, you find out what they are angry about, it will often make them cry many times, and get them to envision what they want instead (as they are afraid to think about this, because it is painful as it makes them realise they don’t have it << or the costs/damage that it could cause >>) - then have them build a strategy, that will give them options, so they are not powerless, power comes with options

  • 27:00 - underground emotions make you age quicker - anger is linked to cardiovascular detriment

  • 28:30 - cognitive dissonance - once you get your mind and your emotions working correctly, then you must act them out consistently - then you erase the distinction between yourself and the world… this one is tough - someone’s house, is their mind - if you want to organise your mind, organise your room

    • << interesting, as I’ve been attracted to girls with really really messy rooms before… is this because I am wanting to play with fire, invite some chaos into a life that is too ordinary - other times, I’ve been attracted to girls who have very tidy and organised rooms, and thus lives >>

    • why even bother improving yourself? because then you and others don’t have to suffer as much

    • if you are in pain, you care - pain is one of those things, that brings the idea that if it didn’t exist, things would be better

    • if you are to consider the expanse of your existence << your environment >> and find ways to improve that, then you will naturally by extension improve yourself - fix the things you go through each day, fix the mundane, as they are the most important things you do

    • once you solve your dissonance, you and the world align to accomplish your aim, and that is because you see what you aim at

  • 39:30 - slide

    • explicit axiomatic preconditions

      • assuming a minimal mutual willingness to be in contact and to receive communications,

      • we may say that the greater the communicated congruence of experience, awareness and behaviour on the part of one individual,

      • the more the ensuing relationship will involve a tendency toward reciprocal communication with the same qualities,

    • mutually accurate understanding of the communications, improved psychological adjustment and functioning in both parties,

    • and mutual satisfaction in the relationship

  • 41:00 - if you tell people things they don’t know, it may hurt them, but they won’t be as stupid and won’t run into nearly as many painful things

  • 43:00 - if your relationship/friendship is not therapeutic then it is not a relationship, it is a disorder

  • 46:00 - if you are having a conversation with someone, and it is boring - it is because you’re stupid, because you aren’t listening to them, if you listen to them properly, they will tell you the weirdest things

  • 47:00 - if you are not going into a conversation to learn and become a better person, then what are you going into for, as there is nothing better than that - the agenda of a conversation should be “we want to move forward, with your and mine best interests in mind”

  • 48:00 - slide

    • we know from our research that such empathic understanding - understanding with a person, not about him, - is such an effective approach that it can bring about major changes in personality.

    • some of you may be feeling that you listen well to people, and that you have never seen such results. The chances are very great indeed that you’re listening has not been of the type I have described.

    • fortunately I can suggest a little laboratory experiment which you can try to test the quality of your understanding

      • the next time you get into an argument with your wife, or your friend, or with a small group of friends, just stop the discussion for a moment and for an experiment, institute this rule

      • “each person can speak up for himself only after he has first restated the ideas and feelings of the previous speaker accurately, and to that speaker’s satisfaction”

      • you see what this would mean